How is it Thursday again??
This last week felt like a blur of nothingness because I was totally rocked by an upper respiratory infection and have been stuck at home almost the entire time since the last newsletter went out. Today was my first day really "back at it" and I'll tell you, I kinda wanted to stay on the couch.
I'll admit that I wasn't gonna mention this recent cold, because I felt acutely aware of the proclamation in my last post where I said I'll always be working on a dozen projects at once and it's not "too much."
I worried that, perhaps, this cold meant that it WAS too much.
Funny how that's where my mind went. As soon as I got sick I started blaming myself. I beat myself up for not resting more, or washing my hands more, or taking more vitamin C. I told myself it was my fault, and only after further consideration did I realize that it probably has something to do with this nasty bug that's been going around, and the fact that I spend my days with my mouth mostly open in a room full of people who are sweating and breathing heavily and who may or may not be carrying aforementioned nasty bug.
It's extra hard taking time off when you work for yourself, and I stressed a lot about the income I was losing as I subbed out class after class; I reminisced over my days at a "regular" job where they pay you to stay home when you're sick. They PAY YOU. Funny how back then I was reluctant to take a day off, too. I always felt like I'd be caught in a lie, like I wasn't really sick enough and was gaming the system. Like the world would fall apart if I - me, Megan Cuzzolino- didn't show up to work one day.
I'll tell you with 100% certainty that - PTO or not - the world will not fall apart if you take some time off and you are in fact worth taking time off for. Yup, you.
Furthermore, I noticed how low my bar is for the definition of "functioning." I caught myself at one point thinking: I can walk and there's sound coming out of my mouth, so I'm totally good to teach! Really? Is this my standard of health? Being upright and making sounds? I had to keep reminding myself that I am, in fact, sick, and need to stay home. Also, I need to set a higher bar.
Getting sick like this is a great opportunity to reconnect with your body, and I thought a lot about this blog post I wrote a while back. I titled it Same Team because I think sometimes we forget that part - the body and mind not only working together, but NEEDING each other to reach their common goal. Our body is always working for us, we rely on it immensely to get us from A to B, to perform, and in jobs like mine, to literally make a living. But likewise, our bodies are completely reliant on us - the mind, the part that decides when we eat and when we sleep and when we wash our hands. Our bodies are kinda like little kids in that way - they need YOU to take care of them. To listen to what they really need. And yeah, that kid is tough and can fend for herself for a while, she can hang when you need to skip a meal or pull an all-nighter on occasion, but ultimately she needs you to protect her. YOU, who knows better. YOU, who controls the dials.
What is your standard for health for that little kid? Hopefully something better than "can walk and make sounds?" How can you nourish that kid, how can you show her you LOVE her? How can you thank her for just being there, for helping you get through every day? How can you not just keep her standing, but actually help her THRIVE?!?
What's your promise, to yourself, to stop you next time you try to ignore... you?